Meie laupäev algas imeilusalt. Sõime rahulikult Radissonis hommikusööki (muide, hommikusöögi valiku eest peab küll hotelli kiitma!) ja hakkasime vaikselt Oslo poole liikuma. Riidesse panime end nagu peened preilid, sest meil oli ikkagi plaan ilumessile minna ja autoga sõites ei ole ju väga vahet ka, kas oled talveoludele vastavalt riides või mitte. Jõudsin veel mõelda, et noh ja kui midagi peaks juhtumagi, siis talveriided on ju autos olemas. Sõita olid vaid 300 kilomeetrit ja ma võtsin täitsa rahulikult. Tegime peatusi, käisime harry-tuuril* Rootsis

Nagu näete ei olnud me kõige talvisemalt riides.

61 kilomeetrit enne Oslot ILMA igasugu hoiatuseta hakkas auto korraga tegema mingit lõgisevat häält. Ma jäin kuulatama, et aru saada, kas see võiks olla midagi ohtliku või lihtsalt mingi suvaline heli. Enne kui ma jõudsin selgusele jõuda, kas see on midagi ohtlikku, läks lõgin kõvemaks, auto hakkas turtsuma ja kapoti alt tuli tossu. Tõmbasin kiiresti kiirteel teeserva ja täpselt sinna see auto ka suri. Tossas lihtsalt. Samal hetkel helistas Marek. Ma ei tahtnud teda muretsema panna ja rääkisin muretult temaga uuest vannist, mida Marek parasjagu kodus paigaldas. Olin üsna kindel, et see on mingi väike (hmm…tossav auto ja väike viga?) viga ja me saame edasi. Ootasin viisteist minutit ja proovisin auto käima saada. Süüdet keerates hakkas auto vaid tossama ja ei liikunud kuhugi. Nüüd oli selge, et väikese veaga tegu ei ole. Nii ma siis helistasin Marekile tagasi ja andsin teada, et oleme JÄLLE tee peal. Seekord TERVE autoga. Ida õnneks magas. Jälle. Tal on kombeks autohädade ajal magada. Mina püüdsin kedagi kinni pidada, et keegi meid lähimasse bensukasse tõmbaks. Ma olin seisma jäänud ikka eriti halva koha peal. Suure liiklusega kiirteel. Mis te arvate, kas keegi oli nõus mind tõmbama? St autot? Muidugi mitte, sest see ei ole Norras lubatud ja norrakad on VÄGA seadusekuulekad. Nii ei jäänud mul muud üle kui autoabi kutsuda.

Autoabi kutsumine Norras tähendab väikesest varandusest loobumist. Meil juhtus ju (ikka minuga roolis) Lillehammeris ükskord väikene seik autoga ja paar kilomeetrit auto vedamist maksis 2000 krooni. Nüüd olin ma lähimast linnast 12 kilomeetri kaugusel. Sain tead, et see läheb maksma 4000 krooni ja tellisin abi ära, teades, et mul EI ole seda raha. Lahendusele mõtleme hiljem, mõtlesin ma. Hetkel oli oluline minema saada, sest väljas olid siiski miinuskraadid ja lapsega autos ma kaua ei oleks vastu pidanud. Autoabi lubas minu kutset prioritiseerida, mis tähendas, et abi tulekuni läks aega vaid 48 minutit + aeg, mis ma veetsin telefoni otsas.  Norras on see tõesti vaid. Ma ei tea, kas ilma kõrgema prioriteedita oleks puskiir esmaspäevaks kohale jõudnud. Kui Ida ärkas, pakkisin ta talveriietesse. Jumal tänatud, et need autos olid, eksju:D

Marek küsis, et kuidas ma suudan olukorda nii positiivselt ja naljaga võtta, et tema oleks küll stressis. Stress sellisel juhul ei aita ju. Ja olgem ausad, natuke on ju naljakas, et mul kogu aeg midagi autodega juhtub.

Aga kust siis raha leida? Mul ettevõtte kaardil oli muidugi raha, AGA…ma ei ole viitsinud pangakaarti teha, pole nagu vajadust olnud ja ülekande jaoks oli mul vaja telefoni, mis KÜLMAGA OTSAD ANDIS. Mobiil-iide-shmiidee. Ma sain skype´is kätte oma ülemuse, kes oli just Peterburis ooperisse minema, aga mingil põhjusel korraks arvuti taha tulnud. Minu õnneks oli tal SEB konto ja ta sai mu isiklikule kaardile teha ülekande. Probleem lahendatud. Jumala eest, keegi ikka natuke aitab mind nendes totakates olukordades.

PuksiirautoD (MITMUSES, sest kiiruse ja ohutuse mõttes peab kiirteel appi tulema ka saateauto) vedasid meid lähimasse töökotta. “Kas keegi tuleb teile järele?” küsis puksiirijuht. Hmmm…välismaise numbrimärgiga autoga suvalises kohas…kes see mulle järgi oleks pidanud tulema. Vastasin, et läheme rongiga edasi ja küsisin, kus rongijaam on. “10 minutit autosõitu,” vastast juht ja näitas mulle suuna kätte. Mul oli laps, kaks suurt rasket kohvrit ja kaks seljakotti, väljas oli selline tuul, et tundus nagu oleks -20 kraadi külma. “Võib olla Te tellite mulle takso?” küsisin. “Ahjaa,” vastas juht, tellis takso ja kadus. Enne kui jõudsime kringliks külmuda tuli takso.

Rongijaamas suutsin ma ära lõhkuda oma telefoni, nii et sellega ei saanud enam helistada. Mida ebaõnne eks? Ma hakkasin juba Oslos hotelle otsima, kuigi ma tundsin, et MA EI TAHA ühtegi hotelli enam, aga õnneks sain ma Facebookist Klaudia kätte. No ja nii me siis oma saja koti ja kompsuga rongiga Lillehammeri poole liikuma hakkasime.  “Emme ma tahan sind aidata!” ütles Ida ja NÕUDIS, et saaks ise üht kohvrit vedada. “Ei, ma jaksan küll,” vastas ta ja vedas vapralt enda järel kohvrit, mis oli temast suurem.

Kohale jõudes oli juba pime ja väljas – 18 kraadi külma. Issand kui hea, et ma hommikul ei olnud otsustanud kleidi kasuks. Nüüd jäi mu disainerkleit nukralt Meknonomen hoovi autosse rippuma. Koos saja teise kompsu ja kohvriga, mida ma ei jaksanud kaasa tassida.

*harrytur tähendab norra keeles seda kui (nädalavahetusel) sõidetakse Norrast Rootsi odavat toitu ja alkoholi ostma. Ja neid inimesi on PALJU! Ma olen küsinud, mida väljend “harry” täpselt tähendab, aga keegi just nagu ei tea ka. Nii palju kui aru olen saanud, siis see tähendab justkui maakat, kes tahaks olla ägedam kui tegelikult on ja nt on oma lapsele Harry nimeks pannud, et oma “ägedust” rõhutada. 

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Our Saturday started off wonderfully. We had a leisurely breakfast at the Radisson (by the way, thumbs up for breakfast selection at the hotel!) and then we started to slowly drive towards Oslo. We dressed like fancy little ladies because we had plans to go to a beauty convention and when you’re driving it doesn’t really matter whether you are dressed for the weather or not. I managed to think that even if something were to happen, then we had all our winter layers in the car. We had only 300 kilometres to drive and I was completely relaxed about it. We stopped along the way, did a harry-tour* in Sweden…

61 kilometres before Oslo, the car, WITHOUT any prior warning, suddenly started making a rattling noise. I listened in order to understand whether it’s something bad or just a random noise. Before I could reach the verdict, the car started stuttering and there was smoke rising from under the bonnet. I quickly pulled up to the road side and that’s where the car decided to die. It just kept smoking. At this very moment, my husband Marek called me. I didn’t want to worry him and so I chatted carelessly about the new bath he was installing at home. I was pretty certain that it’s some small fault (hmm.. a smoking car and a small fault?) and that we can soon get going again. I waited for fifteen minutes and tried to somehow start the car. When I twisted the ignition, the car only started to smoke and did not move an inch. By now it was clear that it was no small fault. So I called Marek back and let him know that ONCE AGAIN we are stuck on the road. This time with a (previously) RUNNING car. Ida was fortunately asleep. Again. She has a habit of sleeping through car problems. I tried to get someone to stop so that they could tow us to the nearest service station. We had stopped in an awfully lousy spot: on a busy motorway. Have a guess whether someone was willing to pull me? I mean, my car? Of course not, because that’s not legal in Norway and Norwegians are awfully law-abiding. So I had no other choice but to call for breakdown service.

Calling for roadside assistance in Norway means parting with a small fortune. We (I was obviously driving) had a little incident in Lillehammer a while ago and a few kilometres of towing cost 2000 NOK. Now I was 12 kilometres from the closest town. I found out will cost 4000 NOK and I ordered the service knowing that I DID’T have that kind of money. We’ll find a solution for that later, I thought. What mattered the most at that moment was getting away as the temperature was below zero and I wouldn’t have lasted long with my kid in the car. They promised to prioritise my callout which meant that it only took 48 minutes plus the time spent on the phone to them for help to actually arrive. In Norway, that really is only. I’m not sure if without high priority the tow would have arrived before Monday. When Ida woke up, I packed her up in winter clothes. Thank god we had those it the car, right! 😀

Marek asked me how I manage to stay so positive and joke about the situation. He would be stressing out in my position. I know that stressing out doesn’t help at all. And let’s be honest, it is a bit funny that I always have something happen to the cars.

However, how to find money? I had money on my business account BUT… I hadn’t bothered to get a card for that because there hasn’t been a need for it. In order to make a bank transfer, I needed my phone but that had given up in the cold. So much for Mobile-ID. I managed to get hold of my boss on Skype even though he was just on his way to the opera in St Petersburg. For some reason, he had just opened his computer and as luck would have it, he had an account at SEB bank and could make a transfer to my personal account. Problem solved! Honest to god, someone must be looking after and helping me in these silly situations.

Breakdown vanS (PLURAL because keeping in mind the speed and general safety, an escort van needs to come as well for a tow on a motorway) towed us to the nearest garage. “Is someone picking you up?” the driver asked. Hmm… a car with a foreign number plate at a random spot… who on earth was supposed to come and pick me up? I replied that we’ll take the train to continue our journey and I asked for the nearest train station. “It’s a 10-minute drive,” he replied and pointed at the direction. I had a kid, two big and heavy suitcases and two backpacks, the wind factor was minus 20 degrees. “Perhaps you could call a taxi for me,” I asked. “Oh, right,” he replied and called for a taxi and disappeared. Just before we were about turn into icicles, the taxi arrived.

At the train station I managed to break my phone so that I couldn’t make any calls. How’s that for bad luck? I started to look for hotels in Oslo although I knew that I DIDN’T WANT any hotel rooms anymore but as luck would have it, I managed to get hold of Klaudia via Facebook. And so we started off towards Lillehammer with our heap of luggage. “Mum, I want to help you!” said Ida and DEMANDED that she would pull one of the suitcases. “No, I can do it,” she replied and bravely dragged the suitcase that was bigger than her.

When we arrived it was already dark and it was minus 18 degrees! Thank god I didn’t decide for a dress in the morning. Now my designer dress was left to hang on its own in the car in a yard of Meknonomen together with a hundred other pieces of luggage that I couldn’t drag along with me.

*harrytur in Norwegian means when you drive (over a weekend) from Norway to Sweden to buy cheap food and alcohol. And LOADS of people do it. I have asked where the expression ‘harry’ comes from but no one’s really sure. I have found out that it seems to mark a hillbilly, who wants to be cooler that they are and for example, has named their kid Harry to show exactly how cool they are.